new year, brand new start

Hello!!
Wellll... the new year has started yet again... but it was quite a rough beginning..
It was strange, i was fine through out december, till the last day of the year when i went back... then i got sick AGAIN! then it became worse and worse everyday!! it got soo bad that i forced myself to go to the doc on thur, and i DID get an MC for friday, but i still ended up going to work... i mean, how could i possibly not go?? it was jus the 1st week of the year!!

Anyway, it was tough... only today, finally, i had time to SIT n arrange my stuff.. alhamdulillah, today, though there were a number of things i had to do, i was able to complete all of them today..and for once, today i could work feeling well..
GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENT for myself!!
Hopefully all goes well each day..

Work aside, raya jus passed and i duno y, i suddenly tot of wat his mum told me.. hurt me a lot though, but it really made me think... what IF wat she said has some truth, i mean to think of it, from what i went thro' last year, it WAS not a SMOOTH journey AT ALL... so maybe, just maybe, she IS right... but it IS a waste to end it due to THAT reason, rite???

i tink, i jus hurt myself even more, knowing that whatever she said IS true, though i kept denying the truth from her, cos' i myself did not wana believe wat she said...

so sad... i told my mum yesterday, about wat his mum said, actually, it didnt start from there, i jus wanted to tell my mum to pray that i could focus my mind on one only, but i ended up telling her everything..

my mum said that i oredi am having a change of heart.. but i kept saying no... how can i possibly love him?? i never had the chance to even try to love him.. i noe i don't love him (i tink) but i do know hes jus there in my mind 4ever, maybe becos' ... i duno...i tink i feel hes a better match.. or our freq is the same.. OR .... he's the one 4 me all along, thats y he never goes away... but the last reason is soooo ....

moreover, its not like i think of him allll the time.. in fact, he only appears when i fight with no1, or feel neglected by no1, so... cant be that i 'love' him, rite???

so anyway, watever however, he's a fren, and i dun wana lose him as a fren... its not often u meet a fren who can read ur mind n think so alike as u urself, so i appreciate that a lot from him. and i NOE very very very well that i LOVE and NEED my no1, so i shall continue and forever try to keep my no1 as the ONLY SOLE one in my mind...
hopefully, one final day, i can regard mind reader as jus a fren...(unless of coz, he really IS God's choice for me allll along .. )

so.. for now, my life is back on track again.. hope its ok each day.. actually, each day gets tougher and tougher... but ya.. i wana survive and i m DETERMINED to make the best of my life EVERYDAY..