bad start, great ending
Today, i set aside the whole day for him. i met him early in the morning and then he left for his paper... while i went to the NL. WOW!!! the new NL is HUGE!!! i went to all floors that i could go.. i ventured into every corner that i possibly could and those parts i couldn't go, i made sure that i didnt have access to those places anyway. i even played with the motion-sensor escalator... haha..
Then i went back and literary jus spent 1 wholr hour, reading TNP... every single page of it... then still had time to jus sit and sketch, while waiting for him. How i yearn to have the luxury to jus literary wasteee timeeee...doing nothing...
Then we went out... it felt kinda very strange... we were walking side by side, but somehow, i didnt feel as if we were together at all... there was jus some feeling of emptiness, loneliness.. i listened to him talk.. but they all jus didnt register.. we even fought AGAIN, over the tiniest stuff.. but i was realllllllyyy hurt when he said that he could be bothered no more as everytime we went out, there mus be something wrong. I was realll hurt.. and i jus kept mum.. only after some time, he asked some questions and i merely answered, but my heart was already too hurt...
But somehow, in the movies, everything seemed ok again... and i watched the movie peacefully, enjoying watever peaceful time there was..Then we went back.. and he did the best thing that made me feel accepted by him alll over again.. i was soooo relieved. it felt really great to be needed again. I was touched that he noticed the slightest change in me and that reassured me that everything will be fine. We disagreed over the smallest thing again.. but it was quickly replaced by other topics.. at least i m grateful that for once, my meeting with him ended with a well note..Cos, as i remember, the previous outings with him always started off rather well.. only to end with me crying or refusing to turn to look at him..but finally, today it was different. it started off with nothing, it ended with something. Hopefully..it is long lasting, this time..
as we already know, my days these days have realllyyy been an uphill, downhill rollercoaster ride.. so i continue to hope everyday... that tomoro will be better than today.. insyaAllah.
Then i went back and literary jus spent 1 wholr hour, reading TNP... every single page of it... then still had time to jus sit and sketch, while waiting for him. How i yearn to have the luxury to jus literary wasteee timeeee...doing nothing...
Then we went out... it felt kinda very strange... we were walking side by side, but somehow, i didnt feel as if we were together at all... there was jus some feeling of emptiness, loneliness.. i listened to him talk.. but they all jus didnt register.. we even fought AGAIN, over the tiniest stuff.. but i was realllllllyyy hurt when he said that he could be bothered no more as everytime we went out, there mus be something wrong. I was realll hurt.. and i jus kept mum.. only after some time, he asked some questions and i merely answered, but my heart was already too hurt...
But somehow, in the movies, everything seemed ok again... and i watched the movie peacefully, enjoying watever peaceful time there was..Then we went back.. and he did the best thing that made me feel accepted by him alll over again.. i was soooo relieved. it felt really great to be needed again. I was touched that he noticed the slightest change in me and that reassured me that everything will be fine. We disagreed over the smallest thing again.. but it was quickly replaced by other topics.. at least i m grateful that for once, my meeting with him ended with a well note..Cos, as i remember, the previous outings with him always started off rather well.. only to end with me crying or refusing to turn to look at him..but finally, today it was different. it started off with nothing, it ended with something. Hopefully..it is long lasting, this time..
as we already know, my days these days have realllyyy been an uphill, downhill rollercoaster ride.. so i continue to hope everyday... that tomoro will be better than today.. insyaAllah.
posted by crystal at 9:55 PM
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